Humor as a Strategy

We want to share how you can use humor (out loud and mentally) as a strategy in your daily life.

Here are some examples from our lives of how we use it with our families. We were fortunate to grow up in a home where our mom was a constant positive presence, so maybe this will give you a nudge to make your home or workplace a place of laughter, or at the very least – a place of smiling. Of course, this creates the visual in our minds of the movie, Elf, where Buddy says, “smiling is my favorite!”. See – sometimes you just have to THINK funny thoughts!

As we mentioned, the use of humor is a skill that can be transferable across so many areas of our lives. As women who wear a lot of hats (and we should note that sometimes it’s great to wear one, so we don’t have to deal with our hair!), we’ve discovered is that there is huge power in incorporating humor into our everyday lives. In essence, If you are constantly looking for the fun and funny in situations, it allows you to maintain a positive outlook – even in the face of some really difficult or discouraging circumstances – and trust us, we have definitely been there!

The great thing to note is that we can choose what we focus on – regardless of our circumstances! There is a fine line between laughter and tears, and we’ve found over and over that dwelling on problems both small and large simply spirals us down into despair and hopelessness.  Now to be clear – we are not saying to laugh at OTHER people’s problems ever… just our own! This lightens our mood and prevents us from taking ourselves too seriously. We have used humor during many of our own difficult times, including personal physical health challenges and the loss of our mother during her journey with dementia. And if you’ve faced similar, you’ll agree that sometimes, if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.

In case you’re thinking we are simply saying not to worry and to just “be happy”, we do want to note that there is research which backs the positive effects of laughter. From the research, we know:

• That laughter releases endogenous opioids which increase the pain threshold and promote long-term social relationships.
• Laughter was also found to increase positive moods and feelings of calm according to other researchers. 
• Additional studies found positive effects of reductions in blood pressure and heart rate.
• A 2019 meta-analysis of ten studies with 814 participants found that laughter interventions significantly decreased adults’ depression and anxiety, and improved sleep quality.

So, humor is an interesting topic because it’s individual, meaning that not everyone is going to share your sense of humor — in fact, we’re not sure you’ve experienced this, but MANY of the things that we find funny our kids would disagree! But you know what? We can still do or say them — because it brings US joy! And, truth be told, we really hope they are the things that our kids talk about long after we’re gone. We’re still thinking about and talking about our mom’s funny habits or sayings, and they bring a smile to our face when it would be very easy to wipe away a tear. Wouldn’t you rather have the memories be the fun and silly vs. some of the serious or upsetting conversations you’ve had over the years? 

So, here are a few ways that I try to incorporate humor with my family: 

The purpose of making my family laugh is to keep myself from getting frustrated or getting my feelings hurt rather than simply to get a laugh from them. But I’m not going to lie… I do take delight in doing some things that make my kids roll their eyes – like breaking into song (usually from the ‘80s) or singing songs that my kids liked during their growing up years that are so “yesterday” now…, or dancing, or sharing little rhymes my mom taught me or camp songs or chants. Shoot, now that my kids are young adults, most of my everyday behaviors are “cringeworthy” from their perspective – and that makes me LAUGH! I think it entertains me so much because I think to myself, “someday, they will understand” … Let’s face it, we all have our quirky behaviors – and many times those are a lot easier to see in others than in ourselves. 

You may not of thought to use humor in THIS way, but sometimes, there are hard messages that need to be delivered, or at least messages that you know will probably not be well received. I’ve found that humor can occasionally allow us to say difficult things to each other in a way that doesn’t offend because we’ve framed it in a humorous way. One way we’ve done this recently in my house is around the weight situation (yes, I’m talking about the dreaded scale). It’s gotten to the point that we need an intervention, and so we’ve been making some collective jokes about the fact that the scale is going in the wrong direction… for all of us! (Side note – I know this should go without saying, but this conversation goes MUCH better when you are ALL in the same boat and not just one person).

A way that my husband and kids regularly incorporate humor at my house is by teasing me about my cooking skills – now mind you, it’s not that my cooking skills are BAD, it’s just that things don’t always turn out the way I think they are going to… come on, you know exactly what I’m talking about! Sometimes it’s my fault, but not EVERY time?! For example, I recently made a new macaroni and cheese recipe – it took FOREVER, and by the time it was done we were SO hungry, I just quickly served it up on plates and took them to the table. As I scooped it onto the dishes, I noticed that it hadn’t “set up” very well. When we were all seated, my husband said, “hmmm, it seems really soupy – kind of feels like I need to get a piece of bread to sop up the egg”… my son chimed in by telling me that he’s never had mac and cheese like this at any cookout he’s ever been to… by this time, both of them were laughing SO HARD that they were crying. I was laughing right along with them – it does my heart SO MUCH GOOD to see and hear them laugh. I guess I try to remind myself that there are so many serious and sad things, that I just want to soak up all the laughter for as long as possible! 

And come on, we all know that mealtimes can be tenuous – I remember even when my kids were young, I knew it wasn’t a winning meal when my daughter would say her classic line “I LIKE it, I just don’t want any more…”. So, that’s become one of the family jokes – but instead of getting insulted, I take it as a nice way that they tell me it’s not a meal that they would like me to make again, and I don’t let it hurt my feelings!

Sometimes humor is useful for those ongoing issues in our lives that keep cropping up causing us to feel so discouraged. We mentioned weight issues before, but the issue is real for the terrible back and forth weight fight for those who struggle with the mid-life pounds. Like many, my sisters and I struggle with unwanted poundage and sometimes it feels like a rollercoaster. Sometimes we win and sometimes we really lose this struggle!

Here is a re-enactment of one of our “sister” phone conversations recently.

Jan:  Joy – I am feeling so good about myself right now, so healthy!! Man, it is SO hard to eat healthy, but I just got done shopping at the produce store and got all kinds of great vegetables at great prices!  

Joy: Wow! Yes, I love that healthy produce store you have near your house! 

Jan: Yeah, and the homemade cannoli was so amazing that I had to eat it on the ride home! 

Joy: WHAT? Cannoli! That doesn’t sound healthy! 

Jan:  But it was at the natural produce place and it was HOMEMADE!

Joy: Well, I made something really healthy!  I made this delicious Kale salad a friend of mine made with blue cheese and walnuts and apples and it was one of the best salads ever! 

Jan: OK that sounds pretty good – what kind of dressing did you use?

Joy: Well, you take pure maple syrup and apple cider vinegar, olive oil, and pepper…   

Jan:  What?  You mean you poured pure sugar – that maple syrup on the salad? OK, Ms. Healthy, how is that good or healthy?

Joy:  Well, you know… (loudly) the Kale! mumbles unintelligibly…

Jan: Wait, wait Joy, I can’t understand you…

Joy: Ok just a second… I am finishing up a mouthful of Junior Mints….

Seriously, this was a real conversation! No lie! It was so sad for the weight issue but so FUNNY we just burst into laughter.

We learned it was good to be “happy” from an early age.  From the time we were little, our mom used to give us what she would call “happy pills”. Actually, these were M&Ms or semi-sweet chocolate morsels and mini-marshmallows. Our dad told us they would make the happy bugs dance in our tummies – and we believed him! Perhaps these “happy pills” contributed to our penchant for sweets in later life?

Anyway, Mom was our role model for “happy”. She had an uncanny ability to find the good in everything; she would be whistling and laughing as she worked with us. If you have children, you probably have experienced the trial of attempting to get them to do “chores” of any kind!  Mom possessed a wisdom that did not come from a book regarding dealing with sulky reluctant pre-teens and work. One of the regular tasks at the year-round camp where we lived when we were growing up was cleaning bathrooms and vacuuming the dormitories weekly. Mom would say things like “Let’s see how much dirt we can get! It’ll be so much FUN!” We would roll our eyes, but we would continue to clean and even began to joke and come up with silly songs about it as we worked. Laughter and humor CAN change the mood of people around you! Just knowing that our mom lived to serve and set that example for us brings the smile to our faces now.